The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners;
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favour........ISAIAH 61
I need to change my attitude towards psychiatry :P
(It's too mind-numbingly boring. I feel like a baby-sitter to a bunch of adults who seem to be either attention-seeking or wallowing in self-centred-self-pity or just downright crazy. My brain is rotting from the lack of mental stimuli other than sorting out someone's risk of absconding from hospital. Of course there are some that I do feel sorry for, especially the ones who are tormented by persecutory and condemning voices. But the manic grandiose ones, or the delusional ones... oh help)
There. I've let it out. Now cast it into the sea and breathe. And pray for them to be healed. After all, it is a MENTAL HEALTHCARE service. And it must be a dark place to be in.
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
Sunday, 20 December 2009
Christmas
So it's the Christmas season now.
All my family are at home in Malaysia.
I miss them. Yet I think I've reached a point where I'm still happy though I'm far away from them. Maybe I have matured a bit more *gasp*. Maybe it's just getting used to being away. It's still one of the best feelings to be with family. I've decided that we should make a conscious effort (the siblings I mean) to time our holidays henceforth so that we will be in the same place at the same time at least once a year, not necessarily CNY. The boss speaks.
It's a big cultural thing here. Christmas. Mince pies (not mince meat pies!), mulled wine, presents, turkey, carols, parties. It's a big institution here. It just hit me how all these crowds out Jesus and the "true" meaning of why we celebrate Christmas (Although I admit it was originally a pagan festival. It's a convoluted argument with no end.) I think it's equivalent to the enormity of Chinese New Year back home. When you absolutely HAVE to be with family, and make all those special dishes and eat those special cookies and get angpows and play poker.
Anyway this year I decided to stay in Leicester and make Christmas here. With my friends. With other travellers from far and wide. With friends. Make family. And hopefully, there'll be love in the house.
All my family are at home in Malaysia.
I miss them. Yet I think I've reached a point where I'm still happy though I'm far away from them. Maybe I have matured a bit more *gasp*. Maybe it's just getting used to being away. It's still one of the best feelings to be with family. I've decided that we should make a conscious effort (the siblings I mean) to time our holidays henceforth so that we will be in the same place at the same time at least once a year, not necessarily CNY. The boss speaks.
It's a big cultural thing here. Christmas. Mince pies (not mince meat pies!), mulled wine, presents, turkey, carols, parties. It's a big institution here. It just hit me how all these crowds out Jesus and the "true" meaning of why we celebrate Christmas (Although I admit it was originally a pagan festival. It's a convoluted argument with no end.) I think it's equivalent to the enormity of Chinese New Year back home. When you absolutely HAVE to be with family, and make all those special dishes and eat those special cookies and get angpows and play poker.
Anyway this year I decided to stay in Leicester and make Christmas here. With my friends. With other travellers from far and wide. With friends. Make family. And hopefully, there'll be love in the house.
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Crossroads
Jeremiah 6:16
This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.
To go home to Malaysia next year or to tarry in the UK?
I am ambivalent. A part of me (the idealistic one) is excited and eager to go home. To serve people, make a difference, tell people about Jesus, train as a surgeon and do bad ass surgery in the middle of nowhere. To fight for justice and mercy. Speak truth. Live simply and be happy. All the good noble stuff.
And then there's the mind questioning me about how realistic am I being. Can I honestly make any difference? Am I trying to be a hero? Will I just be thrown into some far-flung village and live in obscurity as a spinster village doctor forever? Surely I can do all of the above in the UK as well? And the training is far more comprehensive and recognised in England, and the selection process probably fairer too. So surely it makes more sense to stay on in England? You have friends and family here too.
Choices. Decisions. I am tired of them. High school was so simple. You had a goal (med school, doctor) and a well-demarcated path (JPA - although it was God's favour admittedly). And then thrown into the big world of a career as a doctor with its many different paths (surgeon? oncology? obs and gynae? hepatologist?) and choices to be made regarding those things with not much time. And then I dont wanna do something simple and straightforward like general practice or psychiatry (because I cant see myself stuck in a room all day).
So help me God. I need to make a decision soon. Should I take a year out and do locuming to pay back JPA? (it's an option too). Should I stay and go onto Core Medical Training and go back to Malaysia as a consultant?
I need to make a decision and rest in it. Knowing why I made it and trusting that it is the good way and that God will work everything out for my good. Even if it involves mountain moving.
This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.
To go home to Malaysia next year or to tarry in the UK?
I am ambivalent. A part of me (the idealistic one) is excited and eager to go home. To serve people, make a difference, tell people about Jesus, train as a surgeon and do bad ass surgery in the middle of nowhere. To fight for justice and mercy. Speak truth. Live simply and be happy. All the good noble stuff.
And then there's the mind questioning me about how realistic am I being. Can I honestly make any difference? Am I trying to be a hero? Will I just be thrown into some far-flung village and live in obscurity as a spinster village doctor forever? Surely I can do all of the above in the UK as well? And the training is far more comprehensive and recognised in England, and the selection process probably fairer too. So surely it makes more sense to stay on in England? You have friends and family here too.
Choices. Decisions. I am tired of them. High school was so simple. You had a goal (med school, doctor) and a well-demarcated path (JPA - although it was God's favour admittedly). And then thrown into the big world of a career as a doctor with its many different paths (surgeon? oncology? obs and gynae? hepatologist?) and choices to be made regarding those things with not much time. And then I dont wanna do something simple and straightforward like general practice or psychiatry (because I cant see myself stuck in a room all day).
So help me God. I need to make a decision soon. Should I take a year out and do locuming to pay back JPA? (it's an option too). Should I stay and go onto Core Medical Training and go back to Malaysia as a consultant?
I need to make a decision and rest in it. Knowing why I made it and trusting that it is the good way and that God will work everything out for my good. Even if it involves mountain moving.
Sunday, 6 December 2009
Left out in England - AGAIN
This is me in self-pity mode.
Abraham, Grace and Seet Yuan will all be in Penang with everyone else (momdad, Lola, Babe, Dan, MW) leaving me here all alone. :(
Perhaps I should've gone home this time instead of in Feb. Home without all the siblings doesnt seem quite the same.
But it's potentially my last Christmas in England for a while, so I thought I should make the most of it and make it my own. Invite my friends over, have a big meal, spread the love..
Am quite looking forward to it! Feel almost like an adult..
Except that it would be so nice to be with the family.
Sigh...
Abraham, Grace and Seet Yuan will all be in Penang with everyone else (momdad, Lola, Babe, Dan, MW) leaving me here all alone. :(
Perhaps I should've gone home this time instead of in Feb. Home without all the siblings doesnt seem quite the same.
But it's potentially my last Christmas in England for a while, so I thought I should make the most of it and make it my own. Invite my friends over, have a big meal, spread the love..
Am quite looking forward to it! Feel almost like an adult..
Except that it would be so nice to be with the family.
Sigh...
Friday, 4 December 2009
More than blessed
That's what I feel right NOW.
That's what I am now.
Just got back from the CMF students' party. I miss the student hanging out and playing silly games life! There was this guy who looked like Austin Powers who was an absolute genius. We played Articulate and basically, I learnt that crustaceans grew on whales and llamas spit and geckos stick on walls in Spain. Hilarious. I love random facts (and random people put together).
Am going on a weekend away with some old friends next weekend. Who would have thought that a Malaysian, Greek South African, half-Iraqi British boy, Ukrainian girl and a couple of English people would go on holiday together. Must be a God thing. In fact it is! So blessed to have so many random but beautiful people in my life. So nice not to be labelled as either Malay, Chinese, Indian or "other", but to just be whatever and be happy for who you are.
Am doing psychiatry at the moment, which is an absolute bum-growing brain-numbing job. Sitting around all day. Writing in notes. Trying to talk to people who don't want to talk to you coz they dont want to BE in hospital for treatment (unlike the conventional hospital patient). So yeah.. I miss my surgical job. The only thing that saves the day are my awesome colleagues. That as well is such a God thing.
Gail is a happy girl tonight.
That's what I am now.
Just got back from the CMF students' party. I miss the student hanging out and playing silly games life! There was this guy who looked like Austin Powers who was an absolute genius. We played Articulate and basically, I learnt that crustaceans grew on whales and llamas spit and geckos stick on walls in Spain. Hilarious. I love random facts (and random people put together).
Am going on a weekend away with some old friends next weekend. Who would have thought that a Malaysian, Greek South African, half-Iraqi British boy, Ukrainian girl and a couple of English people would go on holiday together. Must be a God thing. In fact it is! So blessed to have so many random but beautiful people in my life. So nice not to be labelled as either Malay, Chinese, Indian or "other", but to just be whatever and be happy for who you are.
Am doing psychiatry at the moment, which is an absolute bum-growing brain-numbing job. Sitting around all day. Writing in notes. Trying to talk to people who don't want to talk to you coz they dont want to BE in hospital for treatment (unlike the conventional hospital patient). So yeah.. I miss my surgical job. The only thing that saves the day are my awesome colleagues. That as well is such a God thing.
Gail is a happy girl tonight.
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