Crossroads

Jeremiah 6:16
This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.

To go home to Malaysia next year or to tarry in the UK?

I am ambivalent. A part of me (the idealistic one) is excited and eager to go home. To serve people, make a difference, tell people about Jesus, train as a surgeon and do bad ass surgery in the middle of nowhere. To fight for justice and mercy. Speak truth. Live simply and be happy. All the good noble stuff.

And then there's the mind questioning me about how realistic am I being. Can I honestly make any difference? Am I trying to be a hero? Will I just be thrown into some far-flung village and live in obscurity as a spinster village doctor forever? Surely I can do all of the above in the UK as well? And the training is far more comprehensive and recognised in England, and the selection process probably fairer too. So surely it makes more sense to stay on in England? You have friends and family here too.

Choices. Decisions. I am tired of them. High school was so simple. You had a goal (med school, doctor) and a well-demarcated path (JPA - although it was God's favour admittedly). And then thrown into the big world of a career as a doctor with its many different paths (surgeon? oncology? obs and gynae? hepatologist?) and choices to be made regarding those things with not much time. And then I dont wanna do something simple and straightforward like general practice or psychiatry (because I cant see myself stuck in a room all day).

So help me God. I need to make a decision soon. Should I take a year out and do locuming to pay back JPA? (it's an option too). Should I stay and go onto Core Medical Training and go back to Malaysia as a consultant?

I need to make a decision and rest in it. Knowing why I made it and trusting that it is the good way and that God will work everything out for my good. Even if it involves mountain moving.